The Break Up Day

Today I left the guy I love, he became to much for me. They say that if yo love someone then you will go through anything for them.... But if they love you then they wouldnt put you through hell and back. Why is it so hard to be content with just being near the one you love? Why do people mistake greed and jealousy for love? These are the things im going to think about over the next couple of years. I dont understand love, nor will i try to, but for the mean time i wld like some quietness. I think i might stay single for awhile, and live my life the way i want to and not have to worry about hurting someone or beaking their beart. I am my own person, i dont need a man to be happy.

Why Am I ALive

At this very moment i am hating life and every living soul in it. I try to live day to day, because in the past thinking about the future screwed with my present there for changing my future. I dont know how i am alive, maybe my will to live is stronger than i think. I want to dig a hole deep in the earth and sit in it leaving my phone somewhere else. I shldnt be left alone with my mind, because while my mouth is shut my mind is talking away. It always has something to say. I would love to be left alone so all i can do is sit and cry. I have no idea why i am still alive. I cry all the time and when i thought my heart had completely broken, there are times when i can still feel pieces of it breaking when i sink lower into my deep hole of a depression. I want nothing more than to cause someone pain as pain was inflicted on me. I think it is complete bull shit that i am being punished with this virus. I wan to turn back the hands of time and take this all away by making a different choice. I want to be normal again, happy or even content. Why me? They say that god wldnt do something to someone if he knew they cldnt handle it. Well god i cant take this, this is right here is way to much. It drives me crazy. I dont know what to do. I want to know why i have  to live with this. I know there are tons of people living with this day to day, but i dont want to be among them. Im ashamed, disgusted, hurt, and im in so much mental pain. I feel so alone in this world, and i want someone to hold me and let me cry and not judge me. I feel like i have it stamped on my forehead! I feel like people look at me differently and i cant control it because in my mind even one knows. I want be able to not fake a smile or go a day with out crying because of how hurt i am. Im in a situation were no one i know or associate with can relate. Why am i alive? There are days that ware wonderful and then there are days that are filled with sadness, loneliness, and the never ending flow of tears and pity. Why Am I Alive