It Just Is

Im layin in bed with my hand rested ov3r my heart, feelin how hard its beating with its awkward rythem and I decide that if it was to stop, I wldnt feel anything. No pain, no sickness, no love, no happiness, no fear, no bored. I wldnt feel a thing. That thought its self is a scary feeling. I can't deal with everything at once as it decides to go bad. I need help. I need trust. I need love and the will to work things out. Im having trouble finding the raven that didn't shit get her down, smiling was the only option. Well I got sick of the always happy character and decided that I needed emotion to be felt and not that I feel it, im not sure I want it anymore. The will, the want, the health, and the smiles have all been washed away in a blink of an eye. Im lost with out a hand to hold. All I want is for someone to just hold my hand through this. Cuss im fianlly to the point of asking for help.