Care a little more but show it a little less.

Well you know those times were you think you have fallen out of love with the one you loved the most.... It looks like  I havent and im not afraid to admit it, but its going to be awhile before i tell him i love him simply because I want things to work. My parents keep telling me to stay single and have fun but im not a casual sex kind of person. I like relationships and the good ones. I dont like the breaking up part because thats the hard part. I think what im going to do is technically be single but still be taken. I dont know, there are times when I like to be with someone and belong to someone. But then there ae those days when i cant stand men and want to be my own independent woman. Then there are the days were i miss my lover so bad that i want to cry. So im very bipolar on the couple love thing. I have always been that way, and i dont think its something i can change that easily. I am the marrying type, but there is just so much i want to do and dont know if being tied down is the way to go about it. I just dont like people telling me what to do or telling me i cant do something because thats when i want to do it even if i didnt want to do it before. Im so complicated, maybe I just like having options but i know that at this point in life i know i cant have options. 

Being in love with Anger

It took me years to figure out that i am in love with the most hostile men ever and that is because i am in love with danger and its sexy best friend anger. I love looking at men and knowing that have that wild dangerous side. I love to know that anything can happen and to be prepared for the worse. I figured that out when i fell in love with Bane while watch the dark knight rises this past weekend. I have a horrible temper, one i have learned to hide from people. I am finding that the more i hide it the more attracted i am anger in other men....Now that i have figured that out, as of today i accept full responsibility for the pain or so called heart break i though other men had caused me. I look at the crap that was done to me and i can honestly say that at one point i thought about doing the same horrible things, but i didnt because of my conscience! That darn thing that keeps me in check allllll thhheeee DAMN time. I have to start wanting better men in order to attract better men and not only that, i have to come to terms with the bad side of me and fix it.

Today is the Day

People say that life is what you make it, and I have to say that recently I have found that to be very true.

I am learning not to hold on to problems that have happened in the past. When I did I was constantly stressing and unhappy, and then the depression hit me. When I became depressed I got to the point of were i found it impossible for life to be enjoyed and worth living. Honestly I didnt know what to do with myself. School felt like hell, family problems seemed at their peek and well my health seemed to never get better. All those things seemed like hell on earth because i allowed them to. I let myself be vulnerable to all the bad, little crazy things that my life seems to have in it. No more! I am done being that old unhappy female. I miss the days were I laughed and smiled all day and when the bad things happened I took care of them and then that was that. That is what im going to go back to ! I will be positive and happy that way i attract positive and happy people. I seem to think that i have a beautiful soul and heart and I want to share it with the world with out wonder what bad could happen from it.